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Monthly News From The Congo


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Doctor Doom

Headline Story

A stoned look by Justin as Janet hides her booby

In our top story during the halftime celebration at the Superbowl this past weekend, Janet Jackson's dress was torn apart by none other then the world renown singer Justin Timberlake. The world around watched as Janet's right breast was uncovered and too the shock of millions the breast appeared not to be white as in the case of her brother Michael. A spokesman speaking out on Justin's behalf claim that the dress had a "loose base" in which Mr. Timberlake had no knowledge of prior to the stunt. But apparently this is no shock for as we all know that every women Justin has been with is just the same.

Monthly Sports News

The Pope Showing Off His Wood

As hockey season heats up the Pope is getting ready for the soon to be playoffs a few months from now. And in doing so his holiness has taken out the big wood! In his own words today "Its cross checking time!" and its no wonder that his favorite team are the New Jersey Devils!

A Beef With The Game


In other sports news, The European Soccer League has issued a mad cow epidemic and is now instructing all of its players to now take mandatory steps in preventing this disease from spreading among its players.

What Else In The News

Yeah Baby!!!

Mike Myers was apprehend this morning and was brought to a psychiatric center to undergo what appears to be a new type of mental illness, known as actors fright (Scientific term, zagofoma). During the evaluation Myers was in his Austin Powers persona and instructing the female psych officer to "You make me horny baby, Lets shag."  Myers is now being held at the Belview Psychiatric Clinic for further studies.

Clinton Set For Adventures

Enlightenment From Bill

Bill and Hillary Clinton are in the news again, this time our former President has started writing and in the process of publishing a new book which describes short stories and adventures during his presidency. This new children's book will excite your young ones with stories of Bill rushing to the aid of his White House interns. He'll captivate your child with his action packed story of Slick Willie the Pirate, where he searches for the buried treasure in his home state of Arkansas; this by far is the most daring adventure as he blows more then his cannon towards his captives.  This to be a sure best seller during this years election.

We're Getting Closer!


The long lost child of Osama Bin Laden was caught during a run into the jungles of Eastern Africa this weekend. Upon his arrest it's clearly noticeable that Bin Laden has been in hiding for quite sometime and hasn't had any human contact.  It's clearly seen that he's been shacking it up with the local primates in the nearby jungle. The United States is hopeful that Bin Ladens capture will be next since this is as closes that they have gotten to him yet.

Taking Over The World, One Computer At A Time

Leading The Pack In Computer Technology

Microsoft owner Bill Gates has purposed a new line of computer software in the next coming years. This to be the highest form of intelligence that we'll ever see and to bring about what he claims; "The New Computer Order." It appears that Mr. Gates has been assembling an army for this new wave of technology and in a press conference today he states, "Well make Skynet look like your mama's toaster oven."

One With The Force!

Yoda Like We Never Seen Him Before

Master Yoda has finally admitted to the whole world that he's been on drugs, in a press statement he has apologized and is now looking forward to his rehabilitation. He claims that it was all due to the darkside of the force that lead him to this and that he'll return to the Dagobah System and live out the rest of his life there. It's still unclear whether Luke Skywalker will come too his rescue and save the Jedi Master; it seems the high chronic has clouded even Luke's judgement.

Monthly Body Doubles


It comes to no surprise that Pop star Michael Jackson resembles the ape from the remake of the Planet Of The Apes.

What you read here is not entirely true, these news events were taken and put in with a comical spin and meant to be funny; not serious.